In the moonlight
by Stokrot
Summary: Sometimes even Ichimaru Gin shows his true colors... Greatly inspired by Elruu's beautiful GinKira artworks.


**Author's note: **A translation into English of my ff "Przy księżycu" (big thanks to Clio for corrections!).

**In the moonlight**

'You are going to leave him then.'

Kira Izuru was asleep. In the cold moonlight his face looked strangely peaceful. Ichimaru Gin raised his head.

'I have no choice… you know this well, Shinsou.'

A silvery fox stretched herself and waved her furry tale.

'I don't understand' she admitted. 'You don't want it, do you?'

'What I want is meaningless right now.' Gin's voice was calm but it bore a slight note of bitterness underneath.

'You prefer to hurt him, then?' Shinsou tilted her triangular head, sending him a rather malicious look. Gin involuntarily clenched his fists.

'I do not want to hurt him' he whispered hoarsely. 'You know that I do not…'

Shinsou looked at him sharply.

'Yet still…' a silvery tail brushed against his shoulder, while she walked right next to him. 'That's what you do.'

Gin bowed his head.

'Why won't you take him with you?'

'It's impossible' for a split second Ichimaru's eyes blazed with gold. 'I mustn't. And…' he hesitated. 'I do not want to'.

'You do not want to?' The fox gazed at him curiously. 'Well, that's something new…'

Gin gave no answer. Shinsou was looking at him intently.

'And why… do you not want it?' she asked slowly.

Ichimaru once again looked at sleeping Kira, whose fair hair spilled on the pillow seemed silvery like his very own in the moonlight.

Shinsou snorted disdainfully.

' "Because I want to protect him." "Because it will be better for him this way." "Because I don't want him to get involved." Is that what you were going to say, Ichimaru Gin? Or am I mistaken?'

Gin was silent.

The fox snorted once again, waving her silvery tail.

'It's a little too late to have scruples about it, Ichimaru' she noticed poignantly. 'You should have thought about it when you made the boy a part of your squad. You knew back then what you would have to do. What were you thinking?'

There was another moment of silence before Gin sighed quietly.

'I do not know' he whispered, sounding almost helpless.

Shinsou looked down on him.

'You shouldn't have got him involved. You should have left him in the Fourth. Now you can only choose between lesser and greater evil.'

'I must not take him with me' repeated Gin, in a strangely absent tone, as if his thoughts were wandering somewhere else. 'I must not do it, even if I wished to. I must be alone, even if I'm not alone… even if there is someone for whom…' He broke off, then started anew. 'I'm not the one to decide what I can and what I cannot do…'

'Nonsense!' The fox bristled suddenly, her fangs gleamed in the silvery moonlight. 'What utter nonsense! You're not the one to decide? And who has made this boy the lieutenant of the Third Squad? Who, if not you, Ichimaru Gin?'

'Hush, Shinsou' Gin interrupted her all of a sudden, half warningly, half with care. 'Hush…' he added more softly, turning his eyes towards Kira. Young lieutenant winced uneasily and a soft moan came from his lips. Gin touched his cheek with utmost tenderness, his hand brushed away a strand of fair hair. Kira sighed quietly and once again his face became calm.

Shinsou gazed at him mysteriously.

'You could have told him at the very least' she stated reproachfully. 'Anything…'

'And make it even more difficult, Shinsou?' Gin raised his head abruptly. 'Moreover…'

'I know, I know, you must not' snorted the fox cynically. 'You and the great matters of the great of this world… What's the meaning of one broken heart…'

'Shinsou…'

'You can't place whole responsibility on Soul Society's high command, Gin' the fox passed by him once again, her tail touching Gin's arm on the way. 'You got him involved, and now you are seeking someone to place the blame on…'

'Aizen…' Gin tried to protest, but Shinsou didn't let him finish.

'Aizen had got rid of him. He had sent him to the Fourth as someone too weak for his plans. It was you who took him away from there, Gin… and now you're going to leave him as an useless toy…'

'Silence, Shinsou!'

'Hush' hissed the fox nastily. Her tail hung dangerously close to Kira Izuru's face. 'You don't want him to wake up, don't you? Or maybe…' she added wickedly. 'Maybe I shall help him with that? How do you think, Gin? What will he say, seeing you here? Hm?'

'Stop it' said Gin angrily through clenched teeth. 'Izuru is not… and has never been… my toy.'

'Oh really? So you haven't brought him here at your whim?'

'No! You know well I haven't!'

'Oh' the fox laughed, waving her tail. 'Well, Ichimaru Gin… You knew what kind of life you lead… You should have made your choice when you still had time…'

'Quit your preaching, Shinsou!'

'You should have made your choice' Shinsou continued, seemingly unaffected by his words 'before you became all the world to this poor boy, Gin. And now… now you're desperately looking for a way out of this, 'cause you also grew attached to him. Isn't it so?

Gin clenched his fists even harder and for a moment it seemed that he would give in to his anger, but eventually he just dropped his gaze.

'Stop it, Shinsou' he whispered, almost pleadingly.

'You admit it then' the silvery tail waved triumphantly, brushing against Gin's knees. 'You admit that he's close to you…'

Ichimaru Gin just averted his eyes.

'My, my' the fox snorted again. 'Don't make such a martyr face, it doesn't suit you at all. But it only proves I was right.' Another nonchalant wave of the tail. 'And yet you are going to leave him without even so much as explanation… or am I wrong?'

'I've already told you, Shinsou, I have no…' he began, but Shinsou once again didn't let him finish.

'You have no choice, but of course. Poor, miserable you and your great salutary mission… And what about him? Do you not care how he's going to feel when one day you simply tell him _goodbye_?

Gin once again turned his gaze away. For some time Shinsou just stared down at him, before hissing angrily.

'So you plan to refuse him even that' she said very slowly. 'You're going to run away without even saying goodbye… and perhaps after using him for so-called_ common good_. Well, congratulations then, Ichimaru Gin. You are but a pathetic coward. I'm beginning to regret it was you that I chose…'

'Shinsou…'

'Gin… You are his sun, can't you see that? He would go anywhere with you, if you only let him…'

'And that's exactly why I cannot do it!'

'You cannot' Shinsou gave him an evil look . 'If so, better kill him right now, at least you will show him some mercy!'

'Silence!' Gin's hand shot forward, reaching for fox's throat — but Shinsou was faster: in a split second she jumped away into a corner, bristling her fur.

'Are you crazy, Gin?' she snarled furiously.

Gin was breathing heavily, his golden eyes glinted ominously.

'Never again' he panted. 'Don't you dare to even mention that ever again, Shinsou.'

For a moment they just stared at each other in tense silence. Gin was the first one to look away.

'Shinsou…' he started.

'Do you know what you sentence him to?' the fox interrupted him, shifting his gaze to Kira, who was still sleeping soundly. The sadness was evident in her voice. 'Do you realize how much he is going to suffer?'

'I don't want him to suffer' whispered Gin softly. 'I want him to live.'

'As your remorse?'

Gin shook his head.

'No… I just…' His voice sounded almost gently. 'I just want him to live.'

Shinsou squinted her keen eyes.

'You're going to hurt him terribly… That's a heavy burden you will place upon him… I hope you realize that.'

Gin looked at her. His eyes have never been so serious before.

'I do.'

The silvery fox tilted her head.

'And yet you are ready to…'

'I am not ready' Gin interrupted her abruptly. 'I am not and I will never be. That's why…'

'…you're going to leave him in such way?'

He nodded. Shinsou waved her tail in disappointment.

'You're simply running away, Gin. As a coward. A selfish coward.'

'You think I do not know it, Shinsou?'

The fox looked at him closely.

'Do you despise yourself?' she asked.

'And how do you think?'

For some time they just sat in silence. Gin was looking at Kira's slender sleeping form, at his calm, kind face, bathed in the pale moonlight.

He sighed painfully.

'I don't deserve him' he whispered.

'You don't' admitted Shinsou, moving closer to him, once again sweeping her tail over his knees. She sat beside him. 'You know…' she continued. 'You are a coward, Gin… but an honest one. Maybe you still have a chance to get on in life… so I think I'm going to stay with you a little longer.'

'Shinsou…?'

'Who knows…' The fox spoke on, making herself comfortable and curling the tail around her body. 'Maybe one day… you'll be able to make up for that.'

'Is that possible, Shinsou? Shinsou?'

There was no answer. Gin turned his head and instead of silvery fox fur he saw a short sword, lying by his side. He picked it up and stared at its bright blade for a moment, before getting up and heading towards the door. Before he left, he turned once more to look at the moonlit room and his sleeping lieutenant. He feared it was the last peaceful night.

_Gomen ne, Izuru._

It was time.


End file.
